But now psychologists suggest that whenever a child is ill, take care of him, but don’t pay much attention to him. He should be taken care of medically, but not psychologically. Don’t create any association in his mind that illness pays, otherwise his whole life he will be ill whenever he feels something is wrong. Then the wife cannot say anything, then nobody can blame him because he is ill. And everybody has to pity him and give affection.
Ninety percent of suffering exists because you have associated something which looks good to you with suffering. Drop this association. Nobody else can do it for you. Drop that association completely, cut that association completely. Suffering is simply wasting your energy. Don’t get involved in it, don’t think that it pays. There is only one way in which suffering can pay, and that is with awareness. Become aware.
Remember how to drop that association: one, never talk about your suffering. Suffer it, but don’t talk about it. Why do you talk about it? Why do people go on talking and boring others about their suffering? Who is interested? But just not to offend you, if you start talking about illnesses and anguish, others have to tolerate it; but they start escaping, they start wanting somehow to get rid of you. Nobody wants to hear, because everybody has too much suffering of his own. Who bothers about your suffering? Don’t talk about it, because talking creates associations.
Don’t complain, because then you are asking for affection, pity, compassion, love. Don’t ask, don’t sell your suffering: bring back your investment. Suffer privately, don’t make it public; then it becomes a tapascharya, it becomes one of the best austeries. But look at your saints: if they do tapascharya, austerities, they make it very public. And I am saying make your suffering private, then it becomes tapas, austerity. They make it public, they announce that they are going on a long fast, everybody must know.
Suffer privately; suffer so privately that nobody ever becomes aware that you are suffering. And then meditate on it: don’t throw it out, accumulate it within and then close your eyes and meditate on it. Then the bridge will be broken.
